With Valentine’s Day just around the corner if you’re thinking of taking your relationship to the next level now is a romantic time to pop the question. I’m 50 and have been married once and am now divorced. I’ve been asked the big question SEVEN times. Maybe that makes me an expert on all dating issues. An expert in failed relationships too! The same man proposed THREE times but the answer was a resounding NO every time. Every few years he chances his luck and thinks I might change my mind.
When a man thinks about proposing he needs to consider very carefully about where to pop the question. And obviously rule number one is make bloody sure she’s going to say yes. There’s nothing more embarrassing and demoralising than rejection.
I was only 18 when my first boyfriend popped the question. I was in the middle of A levels and applying to universities as far away from home as I could go. In hindsight I think he wanted a ring on my finger to stop me straying while I was away. He proposed in the attic of my parents 12th century manor house; the attic where both myself and my sister lost our virginity. He bought me a £30 ring from Blackpool that summer. I needed a microscope to see the diamond. A few weeks later he bought himself an engagement ring costing several hundred from Hatton Garden in London.
Boyfriend number 2 proposed after 2 years of dating. I was 25. We were at the top of the Eiffel Tower, not an ideal place to propose. It’s a small crowded viewing area, not very private and we were jostled by people taking photos and herded up and down in a hurry to make way for more visitors. Not wanting to risk rejection he asked ‘if I asked you to marry me what would you say?’ So my reply was ‘it depends if you are asking me. Are you?’ He blushed then asked properly.
The 3rd proposal came on a crowded train heading out of Cannon Street on a Friday after work. I didn’t take that proposal seriously. I was gasping for air, sweaty and tired at the end of the working week. If you are thinking of proposing on a train there are some gems that have survived the Beeching Axe. Dawlish in Devon has spectacular views, or Settle to Carlisle takes you over the Pennines and Yorkshire Dales with amazing views over the Ribblehead Viaduct. The Oxford to Hereford route is lovely if you like the Cotswolds.
The 4th proposal was the one that actually led to marriage. We were in bed recovering from sex. He didn’t buy me a ring for 6 months and only when his friend told him he had to!
The 5th proposal was the 2nd proposal. (Train man again). This time he proposed on a ghost train in Southend fun fair. It should have been spookily magical but it was more like a horror movie in the making with a Dracula style kiss to follow. My answer was ‘um well maybe in the future,’ which can be translated to ‘never never.’
The 6th proposal was very romantic. It was the absolute perfect setting for a proposal and features in my first book ‘The D Word.’ We were away for the weekend at a beautiful hotel in Scotland. The room had a four poster bed and a massive bathroom with views over wild glens, misty mountains and a dark loch. We were walking in the grounds when he popped the question and I said yes but it didn’t lead to marriage. The hotel was the most beautiful place I’ve ever stayed. Check it out here:
The 7th proposal was again from train man. This time we were on the stairs in my house. I was about to kick him down and he shouted ‘marry me you cow.’
It’s highly unlikely anyone will ever propose again, although marriage does still appeal to me. Everyone, deep down likes a happy ending to a relationship. I’ve always wanted a proposal at the end of a pier. Nothing sums up the quintessential British seaside like the pier. Ryde is the oldest pier. Southend has the longest pier in the world. John Betjamin said ‘the pier is Southend, Southend is the pier.’
In my book ‘The Catholic Woman’s Dying Wish’ Darius asks Faye to marry him over ale in The Baltic Fleet in Liverpool. The Baltic Fleet is the only pub in England that brews beneath your feet. One of the landlords was arrested for biting the buttocks of a customer and blaming it on his parrot. There’s a tunnel under the pub linking it to the docks. Drugs and alcohol were smuggled from the docks and prostitutes. Find out how middle aged Darius who wears a wig and can’t get an erection proposes to single mum Faye. It’s hardly a match made in heaven but life rarely is. Here’s the link: